Death never seems final until it strikes someone close to you. Suddenly she goes from being a person to a collection of memories. I know now that I'll never see her again, not even by accident. She's been more a good friend's friend than my own... part of the same circle, we've shared tiffins and friends.. She and my friend, they shared a name.. I think that made them closer than any one could imagine. By the time we passed out of school, they were practically one entity. We always spoken of them in the same sentence. And I spoke to my friend today and she sounded bereft... "There's only one of us now, ya.... Nobody needs to call us by our initials any more.... There's only one of us left..."
She danced her way through life.. she danced her way into our lives in the seventh grade... and though we drifted apart over the years, our paths met, crossed and parted again...She'll dance again... I know she will.. Somebody who loved the idea of love, she was to marry in a few months time... I called her crazy when her Michael Jackson obsession made her scratch his initials on her arm...laughed at her, laughed with her and shook my head sometimes when they played hooky... I remember shooting rubber bands at her in class, and her uncanny way of popping into photographs... I remember her covering for me (who could only serve really good) in a crucial volleyball match.. I remember the exaggerated "Bambaiyya" accent she used a la 'Rangeela'. Today, I'm not remembering the reason why we grew apart.
I'm aching today for my friend. For the one who's here and the one who's not here anymore. For dreams left undreamt and a life left incomplete. For the ones who have to pick up the pieces and move on. For the void she's left in the lives of those she belonged in. I'm aching for a boy left heartbroken and a family left grieving for their little girl. For people like me who're only left wondering why we never mended those cracks when they first appeared. I'm wondering whether she saw us all, all over, praying for a miracle for her, and now trying to believe the reality that we're trying to grapple with - a reality that doesn't have her in it any more.
Dear friend, be at peace where ever you are.
3 comments:
hey... Sorry to hear of your friend... I know that "I wish I'd been better at keeping in tough" feeling.... and its the hardest when you know you're not going to see that person ever again....
hmm... didnt mean to rub salt.... but hope you feel better soon!
I'm so sorry! I know nothing I say will help.I hope all of your friend's family and friends find the strength in this time of loss.
I've never really known how to handle death. Death seems so final. But our faith tells us that it isn't, and we'll all be united again. The only person I know who believed in that and derived a lot of solace from it was my cousin's wife. She lost her 6yr-old to a bad asthmatic attack three years ago. I've always wondered how she found the strength after that, to wake up, smile, eat, live...!Her faith took her forward, day after day. The rest of the family mourned, and got over it coz life happened! Life goes on, as cruel as it might seem. However, I think all we can do is keep the memory of these special people alive. Treasure the time spent with this friend. Never let her be forgotten in your life! Cherish the memories.
@ Scatterbrain : Its not so much a "wish I'd kept in touch" feeling.. I don't.... that's just how I am.. and most of my old friends say I'm a bit like a comet - I streak in and out periodically! ... No, this is not like that. This is a feeling of 'incompleteness' (if the word exists) of things that we'll never say again.
@ Primitive Lyric : Yes, OUR faith teaches us that, but her faith means that she's now ash... and I wont even have a grave to go say goodbye to. I dont handle death very well.. and definitely not the death of one so young, whose life is now over even before it began...
I really pray that her fiance is ok and that he makes it through fine..
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