Monday, April 26, 2010

Do the rich ever sweat?

Disclaimer: The following post IS a rant and may reflect badly on the poster, but frankly, ma deah, I DONT GIVE A DAMN. At the risk of coming across as a brat who needs air conditioning to survive, I'm still going to say my piece. (Air conditioning in a city thats already hit 38 degrees with almost 90% humidity is NOT a luxury - its a necessity!)

We've just endured a very VERY hot night with no power and no sleep and come this morning, there's still no power. Calamity is PISSED. Calamity has deadlines and ZERO tolerance for the ridiculously high temperatures in this city and the inverter has died too. 
Calamity woke up scowling and sticky and VERY cranky.

No, its not Serenity's fault and no, I should not be pissed with him... but hey!someone's got to absorb the repercussions of the electricity board's inefficiency! Regarding the title of this post, I have to ask, EVERY TIME we have a ridiculous 12 hour power cut... Do the rich in this city sweat? More specifically, does the fat man in shades and a yellow shawl ever have a power cut in his home? I'm thinking no, considering he wears a SHAWL all the time... obviously indicates that HIS ac is working JUST FINE!!

So, consider this... a majority of the poor (non tax paying) populace sleeps outdoors, on pavements etc. so a hot stuffy house is not a problem there.... then there's another majority - the fat man's family... all of whom are oh-so-important peeble anyway. (I'm not even going to start on nepotism - will take up too much of my energy!)... so they're not facing any power shortages either, are they now? Which leaves who? ME! Middle class and not so far gone that I have to sleep outdoors, and not in that elitist bracket that power cuts dont affect... ME.. the one who has to STEW in the heat, walk around looking like a retarded flamenco dancer (yes, you heard me right - I spent most of last night with a black flamenco dancer's fan, trying to circulate the tepid, still air around me....) and take showers at 3 am, all the while, cursing cursing cursing!! Thankfully, the Electricity Board man I spoke to today, spoke English, so I didnt come off sounding like a deranged heat affected dodo... but I think I sounded pathetic enough for the man to rush to reassure me.

Metropolis status is not coming to you anytime soon, oh city-that-wakes-up-early. 
Not until you have your infrastructure sorted out - which I'm thinking is not happening anytime soon either. So go on, build your useless ugly domed monument to your own bad taste, spend truckloads of money on making sure your name goes down in the annals of history, but dont, oh no! never EVER bother to make sure that taxpayer's money goes to benefit the ones who pay those taxes in the first place. 

The next time this happens, I swear, I'm just going to pick up my laptop and invite myself to the (obviously) airconditioned environs of his home. So screw you, fat B@$T@}D!!

(deeeeep breath. Aaah! that sure felt good! Nothing like some hysterical ranting to clear your head!)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Early to bed....

There was once a girl, a girl who slept as little as the city she lived in... who called up gangs of friends to go and get their ear-drums banged out at noisy places that played 80s-90s rock... who then woke up and went to work the next day and lived her days like this.

Then she got married (whoa! surprise!) and the gangs of friends refused to believe she was going to settle down to domestic bliss. Well... she did! And she moved to a city that wakes up early - an unknown concept to one who had not seen a sunrise in a long time! Yes, you know her as Calamity!! In the initial days, Calamity was dismayed to know that a) the concept of nightlife as she knew it was redundant now and that b) Serenity was NOT inclined to bust his eardrums!

So then, one night (right in the beginning!), as hard-working Serenity prepared to go to bed (early to bed, early to rise etc etc) (yes, he goes to work in the morning!), his resident brat, Calamity, refused to let him sleep! (**starts whining**) "But its Friday night.... dont sleep! .... What can we do? Let's go somewhere... Let's...." .... After 5 minutes of this, Serenity snaps "There's nothing to do, alright? Just go to sleep!!!" (Calamity stops whining and starts sulking)

And now, I get the feeling age is catching up! Calamity still loves to party, but starts yawning at 2 am.... she can still work late, but the lure of the bed often makes her set (unrealistic) alarms for unearthly hours of the morning, so she can meet her deadlines... Serenity is still the one who actually WAKES up when the alarms go off... and prod Calamity to either "turn the damn thing off, or wake up"..... to which Calamity promptly obeys, only to wake up about 3 hours after the (unrealistic) alarm time, jump out of bed a la Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral, spewing expletives at the late hour!! sighhhhhh...... I hate clocks.

And yes, this post was prompted by the eerily real cartoon I found today. Good morning! (Irony - this mail was posted a half hour before noon!!)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Up or Down ?!!

There's a lot of fuss in the world about the Up Or Down Dilemma.... Up or Down - what? Dow Jones? Price of basic commodities? Nike Deodorant? Stock Index????

I refer to the toilet seat, amigos!
Much has been said about women who get cheesed about the toilet seat up when they want it down and men who say it needs to be up, because its easier (and cleaner! thank god!!). This is not a situation with any grey areas... there is NO middle ground. Its always one way or the other! More has been said about when people get married and have to share their "space" with another diametrically opposite individual and how the Up / Down Dilemma comes into play.

I've never really known it to be a problem and I cannot understand why such a big deal is made of it.
Woman: If its up, put it down.
Man: If its down, put it up.
End of problem. :)

I just found this comic strip on this awesomely sarky comic site - yes, sarcastic little me giggled lots and is now waiting for her equally (if not more!) sarcastic S.O (significant other!) to come home so she can show this to him!

That was my very lame explanation for this rather lame post - or to put it more precisely "Why I wasted 10 minutes of work time to think about toilet seats"! Thank you for listening!
(picture credit - awesome site called )